Feature: Rant Movie Music by: Darrin Cardani With the 2000 Presidential Elections approaching, candidates are once again pounding the press with their messages of family values, telling us how movies, video games, and of course, music, are turning our children into murderers, rapists, and televangelists. I’d like to address movies and music for a minute, because I think they may have a point.
I think it’s high time someone stood up to Hollywood and told them, “We’re not gonna take it! No, we ain’t gonna take it! We’re not gonna take it… anymore.” We have to let Hollywood know that we won’t put up with bad music cliché’s in our movies anymore. Below is a list of the worst offenders, and we need to do whatever we can in this time of need for our country, to make sure that these songs are never used in movies in this way again:
“Bad to the Bone” or “Born To Be Wild” - Played whenever a wayward youth is about to put on sunglasses and rebel against the status quo. I’m sorry, but no matter how you dress up Macaulay Culkin, he will never look “Bad to the Bone.”
“Wild Thing” - Played whenever our attention is directed toward a scantily clad teen vixen. A.K.A. “The Slut Song.”
“Louie, Louie” - Played whenever anything on screen involves a fraternity. This song became so old and worn out during the 80’s that marching bands started playing it, and someone even had an album of covers of the song in different styles, including opera. (shudder)
“Eine Kliene Nacht Music” - Played whenever something supposedly intellectual or “High Society”is happening. Usually this involves a party at either a snooty country club or a yacht club.
Anything from the “Nutcracker Suite” - Played whenever it is near Christmas. It seems a shame to have to include Tchaikovsky in this list, but there are other Christmas songs, for Christ’s sake! (Uh... no pun intended.)
“Pretty Woman” - Played whenever a woman is supposed to be pretty. Boy, that’s subtlety for you.
Music from “Psycho” or “Jaws” - Once compelling motifs, these original bits of music are now reduced to comedic effect.
“When I Fall In Love” - Signals any schmultzie love scene. All I can say is that any song covered by Rick Astley just shouldn’t be played ever.
So the next time you’re in a movie theater and hear one of these songs, march right back out to the ticket desk, ask for the manager, and demand your money back!
